She's a Mess

You read it, huh? Well, how about this? I want to rip your girlfriend's head off. I WOULD want to rip YOUR head off, but that would go against my friggin heart, all attached to you, screaming for mercy, but you're always there in front of me... Actually, you're not. It's just the mist of what was once happiness. My mind, heart, soul, ability to love... has always been consumed by you. Since the first time I saw you, something inside told me I needed to know you. Needed to find out why.... Why you're the only thing that never fails to melt my core. But there's only one way this will stop. Only one way... sigh...........................................................................................................

hesitation
frustration
I'm meant to be a demonstration
but you're still in that celebration
and I'm left with naught but
frustration.
frustration.

hatred.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
...

Not for a Christian girl.

That's all I see, is that I'm wrong. Everything I do is wrong. Every thought inside this stupid little head...

Stupid boy...

Please, just let me know that you don't love me. (Why am I saying all this?) Just tell me you don't care, and I'll start letting go. Maybe... Hopefully... Hopefully I can let go, eventually. No. I will. I WILL.

sigh...

Shut up, stupid little girl. No one's listening. No one cares... <sigh> >sigh< <sigh>

slitting my throat is all I ever think about
those wrists are just in reach
always there, taunting me
haunting me in my sleep
these nightmares never cease
demons, busses, red paper, phantoms, Chinese horror films, paper, paper, paper............................................................................................................................................

only one way to say it
nightmares.

but also...
dreams from the deep
nighttime insanity
chemical hate
dormant mental unleashing...

And I still haven't lost control
Somehow, He holds me through it all. He shoulders my cares, my worries, all the human beings I wish he'd destroy...................................................................................

no.

Not for a Christian girl.
Live a demonstration.
Yeah, right.